More moving…

As Exile to Geeksville (Geeksville.wordpress.com) becomes a true pop culture blog, I continue to more of my personal posts here.

So if it seems you are reading old news,  it’s just because I have reposted it.

 

 

Where do you find love?

Famed criminal Willie Sutton was asked, “Why do you rob banks?” To which he replied, “That’s where the money is.”

Which raises the question, “Where are potential love interests for a urban geek?”

The question is really, “Where are you looking?”

Obviously you have the best chances at finding someone you can have a successful relationship with is someone who has similiar interests, viewpoints and values. Someone who enjoys the same things you do. So whenever you are happiest, look around you, your next great romance could be right next to you.

Hmmm… that’s where it gets tricky. Where are you happiest (outside of your own home, of course)? Ask yourself, what do I like?

So you say, “I like movies…”

So a video store might be a good place. But wait, Netflix kinda killed the local video store. Maybe Best Buy, or Barnes and Noble in the video section. Someone you meet there is a “buyer”, not a renter. They’re looking for something for keeps.

So you say “I like Video Games…”

Also at Best Buy – find that gamer who likes to play the same sort of games you do. I am not a big online gamer, but I understand there are social networking aspects (Taverns and what not)

So you say “I Like Comics…”

So your Local Comic Shop? Ummm… actually My LCS is a pretty busy place with perhaps a higher than average female to male ratio… It does seem that most “geek girls” are already dating a very amiable fellow (or lady) that they met at SCA or a Comicon tho. But if you are looking for a guy, take your pick.

Back in college, I thought about setting up a dating service out of my LCS, pictures on the wall, with some pertinent info, with code numbers, which would be tied to their pull lists. See someone you like, write them a note… but it never happened.

So you say “I Like the Internet…”

Wow, where do you start? There are so many sites for dating, the eharmonies and matches and Jdates. There is even a site specifically for geeks gk2gk.com. I asked some of my single female friends, have you ever looked for a date online, and if so where? The answer that really surprised me was Craigslist, I always thought of Craigslist as a place to sell a couch and find tickets for a ball game, but a date? One thing that did tell me is that, in NYC at least, there are single women out there – looking, anywhere, for good men to date.

Just keep looking.

Why it’s all different this year…

Its  the first weekend of September…   and with the fall comes one of my favorite pastimes,  College Football,  Michigan Football to be exact.  Now those of you who follow such things know Michigan is coming of its worst season ever, and have had some amount of controversy these past few weeks.  Both these things are certainly new for the Michigan faithful, but that is not what makes this year different to me.

This is the first time in 10 years that my phone won’t ring when Michigan scores their first touchdown, the first time after the game that I won’t get to talk about the game with my mother.

If you knew my mother your know how much she loved football, and from that first game my freshman yearin 1989, my mother embraced the Maize and Blue tradition, Bo, Go Blue, Run for the Roses…

As  I sit down to watch the game,  a game in which Michigan hopes to mark a new beginning to the program, I begin the season with a quiet moment and I know that somewhere, there is extra Ray of Light shining down on Michigan Stadium today, and somewhere in heaven, God hears a joyful noise, of Joan singing “Hail to the Victors”

Why can’t we be more than friends

This was from the original Geeksville blog on myspace (and I am thinking of expanding it for a videoblog) I originally wrote this in October ‘06, shortly after my 35th Birthday… I am sure there was a woman in mind specifically when I wrote it, but for the life of me I am not sure who it was, and I am sure I am still friends with them to this day, and i just have gotten over it, imagine that.

Do you remember in “When Harry met Sally” and they were in the car driving, and talking about why men and women can’t be friends, because men really just want to sleep with their women friends?

I find that men do become friends with women, because they are attracted to them, on some level. I am going to admit that. For the most part the women with whom I choose to socialize with platonically, I would probably have a romantic relationship with if the opportunity arose.

Which is why I believe I have discovered the collorary to this rule -

Women only become friends with men they do not want to date.

By that I mean, women have male friends with whom they share things with on a very personal level, because they feel safe, they feel that this is not something that will be used in a relationship somehow. I guess its part of the “nice guy” syndrome.

Of course, the nice guy isn’t going to tell you this, so I will.

Ladies, if you have a single straight male friend, that you confide in, andhe genuinely listens, and has helped you through issues (especially dating issues) HE LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS. He doesn’t feel he wants to risk the friendship tho, because having you as a friend, especially a friend who you confide in and trust in so much is more important to him, so much so that he probably eschews other possible relationships.

There, I spilled the beans.

OK now I would like share the insights of what another 2.5 years of life and love experiences have given me

Guys

Man up, be brave, and ask the woman out. (ok those of you who know me, stop laughing)

Seriously, the worst she can do is say no. If you and she are really friends, and you can live with that, it may be awkward for a bit, but discuss it, then move on.

I am not going to say it will never happen, but don’t wait on it. Just be the best friend you could be

Ladies, care to add anything? A little straight talk for my geeks?

www.geeksville.wordpress.com

Remembering my Mother.

Below is the memorial I gave for my mother, Joan Vandervliet at her service, and the video my brother prepared

On behalf of our family, I first want to thank you all for coming out tonight to help remember our mother, Joan. It’s a testament to the life she lives and to the love she had to see so many people here.

If there is only one trait of my mother’s I hope to possess and carry on it is her infinite capacity to to love and her near infinite capacity to give freely of herself.

There is probably not one person here who knew my mother who didn’t hear her say “I’ll do that” or “Let me help”.

More than anyone else, my mother loved to help the kids in her community. To many, she became known as “Aunt Joanie”, practically being a second mother to many. I remember the boy in high school, who was a member of the marching band. He was not from Midland Park, being hearing impaired, he lived over 20 miles away. He would have to wait at the school, or find somewhere else to go between 3 o’clock and the start of band practice, in the evenings. My mother would always make sure he got some dinner, and he had a place he could stay at our house when he needed somewhere to go. This young man was 2 years behind me in school, but my mother continued to open our house to him, even after I had gone off to college. This is just one of the many stories I have be reminded off from friends who have wanted to tell me how my mother touched their lives.

Of course, my mother was not above having favorites, the Sinclairs have been family in all ways except by name. And of course there were my mother’s two most precious favorites, her grand children, Sarah and Matthew.

As they grow up I hope I can help instill in them, and in my own children someday, the spirit of generosity and love, that they can connect to their “Grammy”, to help keep her example as they grow up and make their own way in the world.

Again, I want to thank you for all the love you have given us in this time and all the compassion and support you have given our family.

Hi, remember me?

Hi

Remember me?

If you don’t I understand – its been months since I have done any blogging.

Life is at an interesting point right now, some  ups, some downs.

I will try to get on here more.  I promise.

I do have a lot on my mind, and a lot to share with you.

Looking for a name here – Something witty to follow

Ok, I haven’t come up for the title of this yet, Its about my future, which of course is unknown. I thought about calling it My Undiscoverd Country – but that is really a reference to life after death, and that’s not really how i want to think about my romantic life. I don;t want to call it Letters to Found Loves’ well because I am more original than that, plus i don’t want found loves. I do want to find someone I eventually share my life with, but I also want to find people who share my interests, and sense of adventure and humor. Like everyone else I want to belong – Even those of who staunchly reject social norms and conventions find ways of sharing common interests (and the internet has been a great place for them.)

Finding a name is important thing. Names define and empower us. Titles reflect what the content and intention is (one can only speculate what I was thinking when I came up with Exile in Geeksville I guess)

So I looked to others for examples and in looking I found some interesting blogs I want to take a moment to share with you.

- This Fish Needs A Bicycle – This is the Blog of one Heather Hunter, It chronicles the last 6 years of her life or so, starting with her break up with “J” (Jimmy Carter? JJ from Good Times? the Joker?) I don’t know if she ever reveals who he is, I am only two years into her archive and he is still “J” Psuedonyms like this in a blog confuse me, because everyone who knows her, knows who “J” is, and those who don’t have no clue, why hide his identity?

- Just Waiting to be Screwed Over – The Blog of a very pessimist dater from Canada – I can’t help but think the attitude going is going to affect the outcome.

- Grow Some Testicles – Four single young ladies have figured out the secret to dating in New York: Gentlemen, grow some testicles – Apparently these bloggers have moved on to some new things, but I am looking forward to seeing what they had to say

there are tons of them out there – and i enjoyed some of them, but I don’t want to be just another I am single in the city boo hoo blogs – That is part of the reason I have Geeksville be about more than just that. Stuff is happening for me. Some of it is exciting, some of its scary, some of it just sucks, but as Mr. Ted “Theodore” Logan said, “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K”

Stay tuned…

Letters to Lost Loves… the end?

My Dears,

I have spent the couple of years or so rehashing the times we shared with one another, and if I had realized that what I started here was going to lead to all of this… well I don’t know, but I do know that I have come to a conclusion – I have written everyone of you that I every truly and honestly been in love with, and believed that you loved me back. I could keep going on with this, cause there were many more not so great loves in my life, and a few unrequited loves that burnt bright. But to keep this special I think this has to end here….

I hope someday (someday soon) I find someone that I can make it really happy with. Someone who excepts my idiosyncratic behavior. Some one who shares my passion for knowledge and understanding. Someone who rocks a pair of keds and t shirt as much as she does the little black dress. Someone who knows it good to be a little bad sometimes.

I have been looking back for that person, I should be looking forward

When my life settles down in a bit – I will start looking. And when I do, I may start a new series here. But that doesn’t mean you can’t come find me first.

This Mortal Coil

Another post in my COUNTDOWN TO MIDLIFE CRISIS…  20 weeks til my 37th Bithday…

Its mid May – and I am still on the road, still away from my family, during a particularly trying time at home.

I have always lived my life with the idea that there was plenty of time to do everything I want. But now I know that is not the case.

I never thought that my mother wouldn’t be there for my wedding, to be a grandmother to my kids…

But like so many other things in my life, I chose small. I managed to stay safe and surround myself with things I think I want. So why do I still want those things?

I never really thought I would be 36 years old and still single. But if you know anything about me you know I have a history of avoiding taking the next step. Personally, professionally, i just want things to be easy, I don’t know where this work ethic developed. But it has made me a concilliator and a diplomat.

I can handle hard! – I am smart- scary smart sometimes, and because of it certain things came easy to me early in life, and because of that I did not have to try as hard as others. I never was challanged early….

I am looking for that great challenge!

Letters to Lost Loves

This is a letter I wrote on my other blog, on my myspace. Its part of a series, letters to women with whom I have had relationships with. Relationships that ended, most likely due to something stupid I did. – want to read more of them? Go to my myspace blog If you like this, I will put some of the other letters here

Dear Susannah,

Yes I have already devoted an entire blog to you.

Lost touch with my old friend…

Now that blog was about how you up and left all your friends and how I was looking for where you may have gone -

This is me, talking to you directly -

Soozie, I wish I could do it over with you, and I don’t say that often. I felt maybe, once, you and I could have, may have had, a real future.

We started as friends, mostly because I never had the nerve to actually ask you out. I did however make friends with you and your friends (and those friendships with people like Joanie and her sister, Beth, and others took on their own special lives). So our friendship brought a lot to my life. Then we started to get closer – I was never around enough to make you feel that I was serious about you. My work has ruined many a relationship, I know that. I wish I didn’t play of . I wish I didn’t try to cram weeks of dating into one weekend when I could…

Wherever you are I am hope you are hap…

No, wherever you are I hope you get in touch with me. Let me know you are happy.

Love,

David